I can feel fall in the Chicago air; the time of transition is upon us. School is in session and parents everywhere are packing away suitcases and stocking up on school supplies. Children are back to early mornings and long days of learning. Some kids are transitioning into a new school, and most are transitioning into a new grade.

No matter the type of transition, change can be difficult and stressful.  Children look to their parents during periods of stress to learn how to cope with their emotions. They rely on the adults in their lives to show them how to survive and to help them up when they fall.

As a parent, it can be helpful to be on the lookout for warning signs that your child is struggling so I’ve listed some common indications below. I’ve also included tips on ways to help your child when they are struggling and knowing when it is time to reach out for professional help.

Recognizing the Signs

Every child is different but here are some behaviors that you might notice:

Changes in sleeping habits

• Staying up later than usual (I do not mean they are staying up late to finish an assignment for school.)
• Awakening earlier than they need to be
• Waking up in the middle of the night
• Taking regular naps after school when they did not before

Frequently talking about nightmares

Changes in eating habits

• Regularly eating more than normal
• Regularly eating less than normal

Changes in hygiene

For the child who typically has no problem maintaining their own hygiene, they suddenly:

• Stop taking showers
• Stop brushing their teeth
• Stop brushing their hair
• Need you to tell them to wash/brush etc.
• Refuse to take care of their hygiene

Complaining about physical problems like:

• Headaches
• Stomach aches
• Back pain
• Abdominal pain
• Pain in their body
• Fatigue
• Frequent diarrhea

No longer engaging in activities they typically enjoy

Avoiding people

• Goes to their room after school
• Refusing to talk with you about their day
• Not spending time with friends after school
• No longer asking to hang out with classmates after school

Clinging to you more often

• Spending most of their time by your side (more than normal)
• Refusing to play by themselves or with others, preferring to stay with a caregiver
• Asking to sleep with you
• Asking for you to stay in their room until they fall asleep

 How you can Help

If you suspect that your child is struggling, here are some ways that you may be able to help

Create a safe space where your child can talk to you.

I know this is much easier said than done, but this is honestly one of the best ways to both learn about the problems your child may be experiencing, as well as the best way to give your child some relief from their symptoms.

Start by deciding that you will not respond harshly no matter what your child says during these times.

Let your child know that you want to hear about the things that are happening during school, both the good and the uncomfortable.

Be a good listener; really hear what your child is saying.

• • Do not interrupt them.
  • Do not focus on finding solutions.
  • When they are done talking, try to rephrase what they said in your own words. This lets your child know that you were listening and gives them a chance to correct anything that may have been heard wrong.
  • Ask your child what would be helpful. Your child may already have a good idea of ways you can help them, or they may need to vent to you.
  • Start conversations with your child. Sometimes your child does not feel confident enough to bring an issue to you. Sometimes your child may believe that they need to take care of the problem themselves. If you are the one reaching out to your child, they may be more willing and feel more able to share difficult information with you.

Talk with your child about emotions.

Teach your child about emotions. Children learn about emotions from the people around them, that means you. It is important to teach your children directly about what emotions are, how they feel in the body, and what to do with them. If you are not talking about emotions, then your child is likely left figuring it out on their own.

Validate their emotions. Emotions are neither good nor bad, they simply provide information about a situation and our own beliefs and values. Assure your child that all emotions are normal and help them understand what their emotions might be saying about their experience.

Set aside 5-10 minutes a day to practice coping skills together.
Here are some different coping skills you can use with your child:

• Deep breathing
• Full body relaxation
• Sit together in silence
• Mediate or pray
• Take a short walk
• Engage your body in movement (yoga, stretching, doing some jumping jacks, etc.)
• Color and/or draw
• Take breaks from stressful homework assignments

When to Talk to a Professional

Hopefully, some of these tips help you and your child make the transition to a new school year. But what do you do if you try all these things and your child is not doing better, or seems to be getting worse? Here are some signs that it is time to seek outside help:

• The changes in your child last longer than a couple weeks.
• The changes in your child’s mood and or social interactions are consistent for most days of the week.
• The changes in your child are getting worse, not better.
• Your child does not want to talk with you about their problems.
• Your child is not developing friendships at school.
• Your child is isolating themselves from friends and family